Kenzie 8 Months and Leah 4 Years Old

Kenzie is eight months old now and is still growing fast.  She now Army crawls everywhere and loves to follow her sister around.  She still has only 2 teeth, but I swear more are going to come in any day now.  She is such a chill kid, she loves playing with her toys and is always smiling.  We are so blessed to have her as part of our family!

Leah is growing up too fast!  She is such a fun, intelligent, caring and sometimes sassy princess.  She has such a creative imagination, always playing with her imaginary friends (usually boys from church) and creating wonderful stories.  I love her more and more every day and we are so thankful the Lord brought her into our family!

The two girls together make up the perfect duo.  They play so well together and are always super excited to see each other.  They were definitely meant to be sisters!

Birth Mother's Day

Although not well known, the day before Mother's Day is Birth Mother's Day.  We have a tradition in our home that we started because we do not know Leah's birth mother and we wanted to be able to still honor her.  We take the girl's shopping and they pick out flowers that they get to bring home and plant in honor of their birth mothers.  We always want to make sure our girls understand just how important their birth mothers are to us and to them.  We pray that they will have great relationships with them and be just as grateful to them as Travis and I are. To their birth mothers...we love you and pray for you daily!  We are eternally grateful for the love you have for these girls and for giving us the opportunity to be parents. 

The Hospital Stay

(This story begins where my last post ended Kenzie's Story)

Wednesday night (the day Kenzie was born) our friend Heather brought Leah to the hospital to meet Kenzie.  We went into the nursery, Leah sat on Travis' lap and then we put Kenzie on Leah's lap.  Leah took one look at her and said, "Whoa, she is beautiful!."  That totally melted my heart!

After we went home that night we received a call from the hospital to let us know that Kenzie's blood sugar levels were low and that she needed an IV of dextrose.  She was on the IV for 24 hours and then they had to monitor her for another 24 hours.  We were hoping at this point to be able to take her home on Saturday morning.  When we got to hospital on Saturday they then let us know that her bilirubin had jumped over night and that she needed to have light treatment overnight.  The little bili-blanket made her look like a glow-worm!

Finally, Sunday morning they discharged her and we were able to take her home!  

We came home to a wonderful surprise!  Thanks Kristen and Heather!

 The five days that Kenzie was in the hospital were long days, but I would not trade them for anything.  Sitting in the nursery with her, doing all of her feedings, rocking her, and even having her skin-to-skin on my chest for a nap, were all wonderful bonding moments.

I was at the hospital by 9:00 in the morning and stayed until 9:00 at night daily.  Travis spent half a day at the hospital and the other half home with Leah (she was really missing us).  The best moment was on Saturday when we decided that Travis and I would both go with Leah to dance and then I would go to the hospital in the afternoon.  When I got to the hospital the nurses told me that Kenzie was having a rough day.  She was only snacking instead of eating and she was having a hard time staying asleep.  I walked over to Kenzie, put my hand on her chest, kissed her on the forehead, and said "mommy is here, sorry I am late."  She instantly settled down and fell asleep.  When it was time for her to eat, she cuddled up in my arms and took the whole bottle.  At this moment I knew I was meant to be her mother and that she was meant to be a part of our family!

Kenzie's Story

(This is detailed for Kenzie's benefit)

We were first contacted by Kenzie's birthmom on September 10th via our "It's About Love" profile.  Over the next few days we e-mailed back and forth with "getting to know you" questions.  Then a week later she sent us an e-mail that said that she had chosen us "to be the parents and big sister to this baby."  As soon as I read that, the tears started to flow.  We had been spending the last 15 months trying to find our baby, and it had finally happened.  She explained to us that there was some risk involved, but we felt strongly that everything would work out and that we had to move forward with faith.  Faith that if it was meant to be, it would happen.  Faith that if it didn't work out, we could handle it.  Faith like Kenzie's birthmother already had and was asking us to have.  Lastly, faith in the unknown and the willingness to say "We have done all we can do, now we leave the rest up to you God." 

We called her that night and set up to meet with her and her caseworker the next morning (Sept 18th).  The drive down to meet her was very quiet (anyone that knows me knows that is a rare occasion).  Travis and I were both experiencing a lot of anxiety.  So many concerns running through our heads, "What if we say the wrong thing?"  "What if we start talking and she realizes we are complete dorks?"  "What if she doesn't like us?"  etc.  When we arrived to meet her we decided to say a prayer before going in.  That helped a little bit but I was still extremely nervous and anxious.  Once we went into the room and we were introduced I gave her a hug and all the anxiety and nervousness just left my body.  I felt like I had known her forever!  Our meeting was so comfortable and we talked for over an hour getting to know each other and discussing details of the adoption. 

For the next two weeks we sent texts back and forth to each other with different questions and updates on her pregnancy.  After her doctor's appointment on October 2nd, she sent me a text saying she was hopefully going in later that day and to make sure our bags were packed.  Wow, was it really that time!?

At 10:30 P.M. we received the text message that she was on her way to the hospital and that she would update us after she was admitted.  The next update came close to midnight saying she had to have some antibiotics and the delivery would be delayed at least 4 hours.  We decided to go ahead and take Leah to our friend Heather's house so we wouldn't have to disturb them in the middle of the night.  Then we could also get a little sleep before heading to the hospital (1 hour away).  This is the part where men and women are completely different...Travis slept for a few hours and I laid in bed wide awake staring at Travis and thinking, "How can he sleep?"

The alarm went off at 2:30, we were out the door by 3:00 and to the hospital by 4:00 A.M.  We were able to go in and visit with the birthmom prior to the birth and spend a little time with her.  Then it was back to the waiting room where we tried to get a little more sleep.  At 8:02 we got the text that it was time and at 8:06 we got the text "Kenzie is here!!!"

We sat there with mixed emotions.  We were so excited that we were here, and our thoughts and prayers were with Kenzie's birthmom knowing what she was about to experience.  About 20 minutes later we were invited back to the room.  On our way to the room we were anxious and wondering what it was going to be like.  What were we going to say?  We walked in, I looked at Kenzie then went straight to her birthmom and gave her the biggest hug and my eyes filled with tears.  At that moment all of the anxiety was gone and we knew that this was meant to be.

We were privileged to have the experience of watching them clean Kenzie.  The nurse styled all that hair into a "faux-hawk" with a bow, and then wrapped her up and handed her to us.  Travis and I sat together on the couch holding Kenzie and spent the next 1-2 hours in the room with Kenzie's birthmom.  During this time there was a very strong spiritual presence and it was a wonderful experience that we will cherish forever.

We decided it would be nice to let Kenzie's birthmom get some sleep after being up the entire night.  We went and got breakfast and spent some time calling family.  While we were gone Kenzie's birthmom was able to have some alone time with Kenzie and we are so grateful that she had that opportunity.  Later that evening her birthmom was discharged, but before she left we all spent a few minutes together in her room to say goodbye.  We look forward to the ongoing communication we will have with her.  Being at the hospital was a completely new experience and we are so thankful that Kenzie's birthmom let us be a part of it. 

Birthmother's Day

Many people do not know that the day before Mother's Day is Birthmother's Day.  In fact, this is the first year that I knew this and knowing this just made Mother's Day a little sweeter for me.  As it was approaching many of my adoption friends were sharing their plans for their birthmoms.  While they were all sharing their ideas I was feeling a little jealous that I did not get to do something special for Leah's birthmom.  Then my friend Elise gave me the great idea of starting a tradition of having Leah pick out some flowers and plant them in honor of her birthmom on this day.  So Travis and I took Leah to the store to pick out flowers, a pot, and even the potting soil.  She was so excited to plant it and even more excited to water it.

 

To Leah's birthmom...thank you for the most amazing gift.  I wish I knew you and could throw my arms around you.  Every day that I walk out my front door and see these flowers I think of you and say a small prayer for you.  You are the reason that I get to celebrate Mother's Day as a Mother!  We Love You!!

Random Thoughts About Adoption

The other day I was talking to a friend about how things are going with our current journey of trying to grow our family through adoption.  I was asked "Is there anything about Leah's adoption that you wish would have been different?"  Without hesitation I answered, "Yes, I really wish I could meet her birth parents."

Leah's adoption is considered a closed adoption, this was the birth parents' decision.  We never met the birth parents, we don't know their names, we only know what little medical history they provided for us on a form they filled out.  In fact, they really didn't even choose us to be the parents, the agency we went through did.  At first we thought that this would be easier and that it was the perfect set up for our family.  We even had friends and family say "isn't it better that way?"  Three years ago when we brought Leah home I wasn't sure about the answer to that question.  Now I am!!

Everyday when I look at Leah I know that she is meant to be in our family and that the Lord had his hand in bringing her to us.  I also look at her and wonder how her birthparents are doing?  What do they look like (especially since she looks just like us)?  Do they worry about whether or not Leah is having the life that they hoped for?  From there the list goes on and on.  I have never met them, but I have a deep love for them.  There is a part of my heart that is reserved for when I can throw my arms around them and tell them thank you for answering our prayers and bringing this miracle into our lives.  I want to reassure them that Leah is strong and healthy, and that she has a good life in a loving home.  When the day comes that Leah decides she wants to seek them out and meet them we will be right by her side helping her with just as much nervousness, excitement, and probably even a little fear of the unknown.  I can't wait until that day comes!

So to answer the question is it better that way...for the birth parents...maybe (I can't really answer for them)...for me...no, but that is where I have to put my selfish desires aside to respect their wishes.  So for now until we meet Leah's birth parents, I will continue to hug every birth parent I meet and tell them thank you.